Code Brown


I heard a couple stories about “Code Brown.”  That’s when a patient defecates on himself.  It is a kind of joke between doctors. When someone calls a “Code” you think some kind of emergency to rescue some dying human being and paddles and epinephrine and clear!  Don’t touch the bed so you don’t get shocked. (Most of the time you get shocked anyway – not electrocuted shocked, but shock shocked).  The “Brown” is self-explanatory.  It’s funny that doctors get time to joke or hav a sense of humor anyway.  Medicine is serious business.  That’s what Docs go to school for.  Imagine being a history major and spending two years studying Biology, Pathology, and other “ologies.”  My nonmedical friends were at the club and dating.  I was dating NMS and Appleton & Lange.  That’s hard.  Then the wards-imagine being quiet and shy and trying to impress long white coat attendings with your assertiveness.  I should’ve just baked them some cookies and gave it to them with my evaluation.  Eat up gentlemen and remember that both Alexandre and Advanced start with an “A.”  With that I graduated to taking care of that patient on Public Aid with the cellular phone – you know the one I need but can’t afford  (That reminds me that I have to call my fiancée, the one I have not seen in a while, what’s her name?)  I shouldn’t have been an OB/GYN.  Baby isn’t perfect…lawsuit…but your honor that’s my house!  Besides, when you are a male OB, you have to be a pervert, right?  Wrong, maybe you just don’t like seeing sick people.  OB patients aren’t sick, they just have to have a baby.  Unfortunately, that value meal a side of Gyne.  At least this MD degree gets me out of speeding tickets, and gets me respect.  I’ve had one hour of sleep and we have a crash C-Section to do  I think her baby is dead.  But isn’t that what being a doc is about – an emergency (Code) and a shitty situation (Brown) so I can be “da SHIT” (Brown).


Jean Alexandre

University of Illinois at Chicago College of Medicine