Five a.m., my alarm wants to tell me

Get up wake up it’s week two of o.b.

I’m on call today, just a billion more times

I need a coke, do I have quarters and dimes

The sun has not risen from its own slumber

For choosing this profession I feel dumber and dumber

The roads are all clear, there’s no one about

The solitude and calm make me want to shout

Morning notes to be written, don’t forget board report

For my every new fact, intern’s got a retort

Split the patients up, start writing your note

After you’re done, I’ll destroy what you wrote

One o’clock, three o’clock, five o’clock, seven

A moment of rest would be better than heaven

Senior resident takes up pity, go get yourself food

But intern’s upset, as a student I’m no good

The wee hours of the morning, mom’s under control

The intern’s asleep and I’m on patrol

Don’t worry, she said, she’s only at four

If you really need me, just knock at my door

From down the hall I hear a disturbance

I’ll check on mom and give reassurance

That mom holds the record for quickest dilation

I see baby’s head, hope it was imagination

I scream for help and beg her to wait

But on this conversation she will not debate

I’m not a doctor, the intern will rush

She glares at me and starts to push

Was there an episode of ER, what the hell do I do

Do I catch like a football, score a point or two

But at that moment, I see divine light

The baby slides into my arms I did so right

The intern comes in and takes care of business

The baby wails with his newborn fussiness

My own tears, I wonder, are they of sorrow or joy

The answer all clear when mom holds baby boy